Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Amen

So it's been almost half year since i updated my blog.

now i think of it... There were too many things that happened in a row and were pulling me to the very edge....

i just want to leave it blank ...

not even a single word in my dairy .. i barely remember which book i've written in half year back.

i was quite numb and could only work my heart out on my art. blindly... vain and still.
Draw and paint and draw and paint. night til the morn' and evening to dawn....
Ignore all the body signs...
I worn myself out at my very best until the point i doubted if i'm even exists....
Could be said that maybe I've been self destructive.


Every single time when i thought it's the end,
threads that keeps me alive are always my passion for art and my deary loves.....
And maybe the only thing that curing me from all these is to see i'm moving up with my art skill....


Maybe i'll only be satisfied if only i paint and draw my heart and blood out.. hah!
morbid? Maybe....  if you read classics, you'll likely to see the phrase "very ill"......




Oh Snap!
I'll only tell this which is what i really wanna say in this post.
A part of all the triggering events was my last relationship,
and believe me, it only consists 40% of all that triggers.
But still i got irritated to see all the traces that left within me and everywhere, and even all that left in my thoughts,
i couldn't erase what happened, but there's always a thought of destroy or to let them  disappear within my vision.

Yes, until this point it irritates me. Only this single relationship that i wished it never happened.
I'm the calm and peaceful type when it comes to befriend with my ex(s).
but not this time, specifically this one i'm sure.

So, this random morning like usual i done with painting,
i grap a lighter, and remotely took the bottle that he once gave me,
( contains little pills with note inside of each of them, function as Happy Pills he used to said. )
and open them all, read them for the last time, put them into a metal bow, and burned them.
To watch them burns to ashes relief me.
to forever put an end to all that about him.
but there are still some other stuff that he gave me though..
but, whatever, i'll permanently put them a side.
Sealed. and forever burried in my memory.

And so, 40% cured of my damaged heart.
Seems easy dont they? NO. // ......

Most of these were very lame gags that act as daily happy dose for me.

But now i'll burn it all away..
Because they no longer act as what they used to be, and more over,

They brings negative effect.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Amen.

This little piece used to be the last pill he wrote, "i freaking love you"

i wonder he'll say i freaking hate you by now.
Anyways, i'll forever put it away, sealed and buried.

*POISON.*

 P.s : to whom the subjected person.... or anyone who sees this that actually knows everything...

        Please kindly remind him to return my music and stuff...
        i desperately missed my tunes... Please~ thank you very much!


Note :  i dont mind it if he mail them by express!

P.s II : Thanks for everything, really.

           Especially for turning me into such a bitch 

          

And lastly, GOOD LUCK with your stalker girl.... that i supposed could befriend with.